A Book, Two Chapters and A Question
Three texts that I loved in 2024 and that I'll keep using this year and beyond
As has become a part of my rule of life this past year, I was able to spend several hours last week in solitude. At this particular time of the year, reflection is important to me. Reflection is such a powerful tool all year long, but there is something about transition that makes it even more potent. I thought for sure I’d have a really incredible post from this reflection time to share with you all. The reality is that reflection is also deeply personal and I still have a lot to process regarding 2024. I think there’s some cool truth treasures that are coming together that will hopefully be shared in this space in the coming months, but for now I just want to share three texts that greatly impacted the way I lived my life in 2024. These are three texts that I believe will continue to influence my decision making and responsive living in the next year and beyond.
Text 1: Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors by Robyn Gobbel
Because of early life adversity, I have a vulnerable nervous system. I am raising children who have vulnerable nervous systems and I often work with children and parents who have vulnerable nervous systems. A vulnerable nervous system may have more sensitive reactions to life's stressors which can lead to what Robyn describes as big baffling behaviors. Robyn normalizes so many of these behaviors through her teaching on how the nervous system functions. She uses easy to transfer metaphors to explain how the nervous system functions. The OWL brain is when our nervous system is on point. The watchdog brain is when our nervous system is hyperarroused and is trying protect us through things like fight or flight. And the possum pathway tries to shut us down as a protective hyporarousal move. Though I’ve studied the impacts of trauma from many incredible teachers, Robyn’s knowledge and compassion around the possum pathway has been transformative.
Possum is the fear reaction that causes a person to shut down. It leads to people pleasing and disassociation among other things. As a person with a deeply entrenched possum pathway, I have often struggled to understand my own tendencies to shut down because of fear or intense stress. And I have very much struggled to partner with any person who is in a possum response. (The book explains why!) Though Robyn adds valuable tools to support the more in your face explosive behaviors that come from the watchdog pathway, this book’s genius for me has been with regard to the possum pathway.
Not only does Robyn describe what the possum’s biological purpose is and how it shows up in real life, but she provides a step by step guide to help someone move from the depths of the possum pathway back toward the more desirable Owl brain. I’ve used the steps and tools in every place of my life: personally, with every family member, with friends and with other children I serve. I even used its tools last night.
Chapters 7 & 8 of The Holy Longing by Ronald Rolheiser
I read The Holy Longing as part of the required reading for Transforming Community 20. In particular there are two chapters that I will continue to revisit as I try to live my everyday ordinary life tied into the way of Jesus. Chapter 7, “A spirituality of the Paschal Mystery,” taught on a concept that for me was new and yet so vividly familiar. This is the cycle of life, death, resurrection, ascension and receiving of new life that Jesus lives out in the New Testament. Rolheiser delineates how this cycle is present for us in many aspects of our own lives. Incredibly, through the grieving and processing of a devastating loss, a dream from my twenties was resurrected. The paschal mystery helped me step into coaching soccer a group of middle school girls with a different understanding of the sacred nature of the opportunity and the life being offered today that is different from the dream of the past. Chapter 8, “A spirituality of justice and peacemaking,” provided practical steps for advocating like Christ. As I entered into my own story of injustice, I returned to the chapter and used it to help me write and speak regarding the children I advocated for. Additionally, this chapter helped me recognize the necessity of a new way. These two chapters lived out so profoundly in the course of my 2024 summer hold concepts I’ll return to as I continue this adventure with Jesus called life.
”What is the Loving Response?”
In a podcast interview with my spiritual friend Megan Babayco, she introduced me to (or reminded me of earlier conversations about) the Ignatian question, “What is the Loving Response?” This question has been a guiding question for many decisions this year. The loving response is often the harder response. After all if love is patient, kind, rejoicing in truth, protective, trusting, hopeful and persevering and if love is not envious, boastful, proud, dishonoring,self-seeking,easily angered or keeping record of wrongs it will likely NOT be the easiest choice. (1Corinthians 13:4-8) The more I contemplate the love of God and the more I experience God’s love wrap around me - that enveloping flame of compassion and grace - the more I want to respond with love to others and to myself. This is not easy, but it is oh so very good. As we wade into 2025, I will keep asking, “What is the LOVING response?”
I found myself a bit in awe when I added up my total books read in 2024: 65. That felt like a lot -though I’m sure many of you have read many more! I’m hoping to do a better job of keeping track of what I read and how it moves me so that I can share with you some of the best here in this space. As I think about which books to add to my long list of required reading (for TC20), I’d love to hear from you!
What are your best reads or contemplative experiences from 2024? I’d love to know in the comments or through an email.