Wiping of Tears
A practice of letting God tend to my sorrow more regularly
For those who prefer to listen, I’ve recorded this short essay and poem (6 min) …
In June, I met with my spiritual director, Rachel, and we revisited a week in May when I had sunk into a low place. We discussed how important it is to find safe people and places to process the difficult experiences of our lives - you know, those experiences we would never choose.
Something I’ve noticed at each of the five retreats I’ve attended through TC20 is that something inside of me is allowed to break open while I’m there. With each cry (and let me tell you there have been some CRIES), the emotional heaviness I carry in my body gets released through the tears. A question that I’ve been pondering around the releasing of sorrow each quarter is how much of what I carry into retreat is from the last three months, and how much of it is much, much older, running much, much deeper? And how much do I keep picking up upon my return to my life that really doesn’t need to be carried around for months at a time?
Rachel and I read through some of my journal entries from that week in May. I was struck again by the beauty of Revelation 21:3-4 found in the First Nations Version: An Indigenous Translation of the New Testament.
Wiping of Tears Ceremony
I heard a voice coming from the seat of honor. “Behold,” the voice said, “the Great Spirit has pitched his sacred tent among human beings. They will be his people, and Creator himself will make his home among them and will be their Great Spirit. He will perform a wiping of tears ceremony, for death will be no more. There will be no sorrow, or weeping, or pain, because these former things have faded away.”
Rachel helped me decide that it might be appropriate for me to spend some time each day with God in a posture of receiving the blessing of a Wiping of Tears Ceremony. That I might spend time with God more regularly, releasing the sorrow over cutting words, behavior that misses the mark, and the loss of life that seems to be marking these times.
I hold this new-to-me practice close. It’s only been a month since our conversation, but I find time and space to let the tears come as needed. I hold myself open for the hand of God to caress my wet cheeks. I trust that my sobs are noticed and heard. And today, I write this down, hoping the words feel trustworthy and true.
A Wiping of the Tears Ceremony for Right Now I come before the Lord in humble desperation… The lifeforce of my blood slows and thickens, drying cement in my sorrow-laden limbs. I come before the Lord in loud and angry trust that the promise I’ll be heard and saved is true, even as the truth of those who called out and were not saved ~in the way I would choose~ encumbers my soul. Immobilized by hurt - the kind of hurt that makes it hard to interact, to move forward, to love… I drag my tender spirit to the place I sit with God. Curled around her feet like an infant in her womb. Tears release and the hand of God finds my cheek. She invites me to lift my face and she begins to ceremonially wipe my tears. Tears of grief, loss, sorrow, tears filled with worry for my children, with the stress of not knowing are removed. Gently, tenderly wiped from my face by the prodigious hand of God. And in this space I sense an invitation to meet my child’s heart in this stance of love. To tenderly wipe her tears, even those she does not allow out. Grieve daughter. Lament. Break apart. God is putting it back together. Trademarked by Love.
It feels important to share this practice this week. The devastation from Texas flooding is heartwrecking. The removal of healthcare and relief aid for millions in our country and in other countries 1rips at my soul. I feel quite often helpless and powerless and broken apart.2 And yet I am still here and I want to contribute in the small, faithful ways that I can. I don’t want to be stuck in the mire. I am in need of a Wiping of Tears Ceremony on the regular. Perhaps you are too?3
I just learned about PEPFAR today. I know there are so many programs and organizations being drastically affected, and I resonate with the quote in this article about not knowing what to focus on. So many injustices are happening. Here I offer this information to you, as a small contribution to saying I see this injustice. Children dying in Africa is as heart wrecking as children dying in Texas. And we were doing something about the children in Africa - but now we’re not?????
In my inbox today, Jennie Allen reminded me that Convoy of Hope is on it for helping in Texas. If you want to contribute, here’s a link to donate.
Also in my inbox this morning, Jen Hatmaker is offering one of her MeCourses for free to anyone. It’s called Suffering and Recovery. You have to have a code at checkout (and I felt too weird just putting it in on this public post), so let me know if you want it and I’ll send it to you.